emilyandherthoughts

 The penny always drops at the end. Have you ever been in an hour long therapy session where the first 26 minutes go past as if you were trudging through mud? And the gem of the session you come up with at 6:54, 6 minutes away from the end. You realise that you spent a long time in your childhood waiting for a hero, expecting to be rescued someday, but you never thought it was going to be you, saving you from yourself. if you haven't, then that would mean you're not me, because that was just my Tuesday experience. I feel emotional and brave. Today was a good session, in depth and quite tough, I talked a lot and really went through a lot of brain fog. I feel somewhat floaty still, but I feel so visible. Its not a feeling I am used to so I am adjusting to it, but I welcome it. Maybe like most strangers, I'l give you a chance.

 How very daring to label this sudden burst of energy, of anger, as creative. Not wrong of her, no, but still brave. I guess I am typing to prove her right, or wrong. The words don't flow as easily, its forced but I am very much out of practice. That is another thing to add to the list of things I need to do: speak up  demand for more  understand I am important  act braver  have certainty with myself. None of these things will come easy or naturally, but its something that I need to do. I have a lack of trust and belief within myself which is rather damaging to my ego, which in turn means I need to built up more and more reliant on compliments and how other people view me as a result. This is what the therapy is for, to see the damaging patterns, and stop it.